What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

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What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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What sound does a frog make while jacking off?

Rubbit Rubbit

Why did Tim Cook fire an unpaid intern lately?

His name was Jack