Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Milk Jokes More Milk Jokes

What do you call a man with no feet and is allergic to milk?

Lack-toes intolerant

What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and milk?

Chocolate milk! What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and chocolate milk Diabetes

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

When can you count on a hamburger in an emergency?

When the chips are down!

What do Dracula's girlfriend and Mike Tyson have in common?

They both go down for the count!!

Eric Clapton Jokes More Eric Clapton Jokes

Whats the difference between a baby and a 10g of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldnt let a bag full of cocaine fall off the window

Why did Eric Clapton switch from PC to Mac?

He had a bad experience with windows.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference a teckel and the United Nations?

There's none. They both have big hearts but a short reach.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.

Cocaine Jokes More Cocaine Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window

Whats the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

14 Year Old Jokes More 14 Year Old Jokes

What does a 14 year-old Native American girl say when she loses her virginity?

Stop Dad, you're crushing me smokes!

How can you tell if a 14 year old smokes weed?

Just wait. They'll tell you.

Parent Jokes More Parent Jokes

What do you call people who use the pull out method as form of birth control?

Parents.

Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?

Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

Nigerian Jokes More Nigerian Jokes

Why was the 6 month old Nigerian unhappy?

He was having a mid life crisis.

What's the difference between a Boko Haram training camp and a Nigerian refugee camp?

I don't know, I just fly the fighter jet.