Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Why was the 6 month old Nigerian unhappy?

He was having a mid life crisis.

What do you call a black person from Niger?

A Nigerian, you racist

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?

The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."

Why would you ask me for directions?

You just saw me walk into a closed door.

Care Jokes More Care Jokes

What's the difference between the grocery store and a math book?

In a math book I can buy 57 papayas at $1.99 each and no one will care.

Why did the existential nihilist cross the road?

Who cares.

Hip Jokes More Hip Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

Why are hula dancers so pretentious?

Because their hips stir.

Paddle Jokes More Paddle Jokes

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool?

Deep ends really.

Pool Jokes More Pool Jokes

Why can't DJs play pool?

A: They always scratch.

How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool?

Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."

Gabe Newell Jokes More Gabe Newell Jokes

Why should we make Gabe Newell president?

There won't be any World War 3. #gaben2k16

Why would Gabe Newell be a good president?

Because then World War 3 would never happen

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend?

On the front page of reddit.

What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend?

She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.