Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Whats the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I dont know and I dont care.

Why didn't anyone care about the circus?

Because it was irr-elephant

Mid Life Crisis Jokes More Mid Life Crisis Jokes

Why was the 6 month old Nigerian unhappy?

He was having a mid life crisis.

Why did the Ethiopian child have a frown?

He was having his mid life crisis!

Cocaine Jokes More Cocaine Jokes

What's the difference between a four year old and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

Bag Jokes More Bag Jokes

What's the difference between a 5 year old kid and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix?

One I say one.

Pool Jokes More Pool Jokes

What game do Anti-Vaxxer's kids play in the pool?

Marco Polio

What did Saddam Hussein say every time he played pool?

I rack.

Nigerian Jokes More Nigerian Jokes

What did one Nigerian Prince say to the other?

Wanna go phishing

What is Mortal Kombat fans' favorite Nigerian state?

It's Kano.

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team ?

He took too long to put his boots on !

What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?

Cowboom!

Parent Jokes More Parent Jokes

What kind of parents are see-through?

Transparence!

What should be done in case of apparent drowning?

Take the parent out of the water