Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

How often do I drink Blue Moon?

Once in awhile.

What do hobbits secretly call Gandalf when he drinks too much ?

The White Wizzer

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?

Having half a screaming child on your hands.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?

I Scream.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What's the difference between an Elephant and a post box?

Well, if you don't know I'm definitely not asking you to mail this letter for me.

How do you make a motherboard?

I asked him. He said, "Tell her about my job."

Infantry Jokes More Infantry Jokes

Why was the army recruiter in the nursery?

To find more people for the infantry! I'm sorry.

What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers ?

Infantry !

Paddle Jokes More Paddle Jokes

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

Stress Jokes More Stress Jokes

Why was the doctor so stressed out?

He lost his patients...

What do corals get stressed about?

Current events.

Duckle Jokes More Duckle Jokes

How about a dirty joke?

the new born white duckling fell into the mud. the filthy, filthy mud.

What did did the mother duck say to her duckling?

A: "If you don't behave, I'm gonna quack you one."

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What's the difference between a four year old and a baggie of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a baggie of cocaine fall out the window.

What do you call a guy who plays Fallout?

A Fall Out Boy.