Parent Jokes

Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

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What do you call a phone with no parents?

An Or-phone.

How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb?

The parents would love to know.

What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby?

I charge five dollars if its a boy and five dollars if its a girl. Lets just say this ones on the house.

How to scare parents?

Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

Why can Kylie Jenner see right through Caitlin?

She's trans-parent.

What is the best pickup line for Rwandans?

Congratulations! Your parents survived the genocide!"

How do you make an ugly baby?

Ask your parents.

What do you call Bruce Lee's mom when she's making obvious statements?

A parent, Lee.

How do parents in Africa celebrate their kid's first birthday?

They bring flowers to his grave.

What do you call people who use the pull out method?

Parents

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What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their parents?

roommates

What Do Bernie Sander Supporters Call Their Parents?

Roommates

What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?

Their parents.

Why do I love putting down kids without parents?

Cause endorphins make me feel good.

Why don't you see any transgendered parents?

Because they're trans-parent

What should be done in case of apparent drowning?

Take the parent out of the water

Why did the inventor of panadol think I had no parents?

I said I'm an orphan.

What do you call a seaside shanty for kids without parents?

A wharfanage

How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

It is now a parent.

What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?

Parents.

How can you tell the difference between normal and self-raising flour?

One has parents

What's the similarity between a burned pizza and parents?

If it's black it won't give you any food

What kind of parents are see-through?

Transparence!

What's the difference between parents who don't vaccinate their children and ISIS?

One is a group made up of radicals with extremist views. And the other group is ISIS.

Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?

Because his parents are vegetables.

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

What are parents that you can see through?

Transparents

Why did the photographer get arrested?

He was charged with shooting kids and framing the parents.

Why would two melons in love hate their parents?

Because they cantaloupe. =D.....=).....=='(

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

Where did the apple go when it's parents died?

Answer: To a Bananas foster home.

Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV?

His parents weren't 18 or older.

Why did Helen Keller scream?

Her parents left the plunger in the toilet.

What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a condom?

Your parents would know!

Why parents don't allow their children to listen to M. Jackson songs?

because they are very touching

What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus?

A stand up driver.

What do you call the child of two parents with downs syndrome?

A hand-me-down.

Why was the young strawberry crying?

His parents were in a jam.

Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?

Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

What position makes the ugliest children?

Ask your parents

Why do black men hate posting on reddit?

Because they can't deny that their comment was the parent.

Why do Asian woman have small breasts?

Because her parents accept nothing less than an A.

Whos there?

Yoda lady. Yoda lady who Good job yodeling! 2.Knock knock. Whos there Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock!

Why couldn't the baby camel surf the Internet?

Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got the hump.

How do you make stupid children?

I don't know, ask your parents.

What does a parent say to their boy who keeps missing the toilet?

Urine trouble.

What do you call the parents of a cat?

His PURR-ents

Why does not a forth-grader ever take the bus home?

Because he knew his parents will make him return it.

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

How are blind kids punished by their parents?

The parents move the furniture.

What do you call people who use the "pull out" method for contraception?

Parents.

Why so glum Chum?

asked the kindly stranger. "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister "

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

Who is that Idiot..?

If Boy is in love - His parent Ask: Idiot, Who is that Girl.. Moral :: No matter who ever is in love... Boys Are Always Idiot :P (LOL)

Why did Darwin love CSS?

Because children inherit properties from their parents.

What has holes in it, and travels down an alley?

Batman: my parents Riddler: no its a bowling ball! I-im so sorry!

What would your parents say if I called them?

I replied, "Hello "

When is a parent like a child?

When he's a miner.

What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?

His mom got soul custody.

Why didn't Timmy get his parents Christmas presents?

He's an orphan.

What does mosquito say when its parents die?

shhhhhh.....it !!

Why are parents boring?

Because they're groan-ups.

Why did Caitlyn Jenner lose custody rights of her kids?

Her kids couldn't see her anymore, she was a trans-parent.

Why can't Caitlyn Jenner's kids ever find their mom?

Because she is Trans-parent! (Not hate. Just a pun I thought of.)

Why can't Kylie Jenner see her mom?

Because she's trans-parent

What didn't Adam and Eve have that everyone else has?

Parents.

When do rabbits have buck teeth?

When their parents won't get them braces.

How many of my parents does it take to mow the lawn?

None. They pay me to do it.

When did your parents divorce?

ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed.

How many Millennials does it take... to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Their parents will do it for them.

What is this world coming to?

Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise

What do you call a parent named Lee?

Apparently

Why Three?

Husband: It's for you and your parents.

How do her parents punish Helen Keller?

By leaving the plunger in the toilet.

How to not get scolded by your parents if you want GTA V?

Mom! I want to play GTA V! Giant Turtles ATTACK V!

Why can you see through Bruce Jenner?

Because he is a trans-parent.

Why couldn't Kim Kardashian see Caitlyn Jenner?

Because she was trans-parent.

What broke?

opens door* Just wait until I get out there!! parenting from the bathroom

Why did the cow cross the road?

Parent: "Wh-" Me: "Moo!"

What do young ghosts call their parents?

Deady and Mummy.

What did the dyslexic kid say to his parents at Christmas?

I love Satan

How many parents does it take to raise a homicidal maniac?

Two, then one, then none

Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel?

Same reason children don't attack their parents...

What do you call people who use the pull out method as form of birth control?

Parents.

What did Stevie Wonder's younger brother think their parents named him after British royalty?

Because they named him Stevie Twoder.

Why is it not a good idea to tell your parents about your failures while they are on an elevator?

It would cause them to be disappointed on many different levels.

What did the parent say when the little girl was whining?

A: Leave it to peave her.

What's another name for an parent?

Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.

What is the most obvious caretaker?

It's a parent.

What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose?

A radical mooselamb

What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.

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