Kidnap Jokes

How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb?

The parents would love to know.

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What do you call a Santa Claus who kidnaps people?

Santa Clown

What does an elephant say when it kidnaps someone?

Get in the trunk"

What is worse than being kidnapped by the Talibans?

Being rescued by the Americans

What did the Chili's waitress say about her kidnapped daughter?

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back.

What does the Pope Jean-Paul 2 and the little girl kidnapped by Boko Haram have in common?

The pope died a virgin

How do you upset a plumber?

Kidnap his princess.

Why did the kidnapped clock always read 12:00?

His hands were tied.

What's it called when you kidnap a ghost?

A Polter-Heist

What do you call a computer programmer that likes to kidnap children?

A PDFile.

What do you call a duck being kidnapped?

An abduction. I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.

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Why are Nordic women so beautiful?

Answer: Well, the Vikings didn't kidnap the ugly ones...

How many polaks does it take to kidnap a child?

A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.

Why did parking tickets increase after Persephone was kidnapped?

Demeter wasn't working.

What happend to the guys who kidnapped Batman?

They got Bale.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's ok, he woke up.

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Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

A: She turned it over and used the other side.

Who is the Gorillas' favourite playwright?

Eugene O'Neill - who wrote 'The Hairy Ape!'

Little Girl Jokes More Little Girl Jokes

When I was just a little girl I asked my mother, what will I be?

Will I be pretty Will I be rich Here's what she said to me No

What does Brown Santa say?

Gifts only for little girls with A's, B's and C's because the other ones already have the D's."

Plumber Jokes More Plumber Jokes

Why don't plumbers ride bikes?

Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Polak Jokes More Polak Jokes

How many polaks does it take to kidnap a child?

A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.

How do you know if a Polak is there?

A: He's the one with a duck.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What do you call a noisy Chinese dog?

How-Ling (my dad wanted me to post this)

Tie Jokes More Tie Jokes

How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?

By tying a knot on its tail.

Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes?

I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.

Remain Jokes More Remain Jokes

How many polaks does it take to kidnap a child?

A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

Pope Jokes More Pope Jokes

Why Does the Pope wear Boxers?

He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed.

What's the first thing the pope did after resigning?

Asked Jerry Sandusky for his lil black book.