When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why couldn't Sally use the swings?

She had no arms Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. What did Sally get for her Birthday? We don't know, she didn't open it yet.

How do you know that you're a peaceful country?

When you realize that you can't spell country without UN.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What veggies are the kids having with dinner?

Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...

Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter?

Because he might fiddle with your kids.

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark ?

A bird that will talk you ear off !

How do you talk to an angel" Me: I don't know, Skype I guess?

How do you hold her close to where you are" Me: Aren't most angels men

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

What language does a boxer who punches jokes speak?

Punjabi-ng.

How do you break a Polacks finger?

Punch him in the nose.

Toddler Jokes More Toddler Jokes

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

What did the mother of the guy who broke his arms say at the beginning of every 'session'?

ssh bby is ok

Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie?

It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

Calm Jokes More Calm Jokes

How do you calm down an astronaut?

you give him space.

Why are doctors always calm?

They have a lot of patients. Sorry.