What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

Me: You really aren't my kid are you

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Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Why should I drink Mr. Pibb?

He didn't even finish grad school.

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

How to raise a kid?

I injected my kid with yeast and put him in the oven for 30 minutes but he didn't rise. Any suggestions

What's the difference between a kid and a joke?

A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.