What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

Me: You really aren't my kid are you

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Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold it in the socket and the other to drink until the room starts spinning!

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much ?

A beer-a-cuda !

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What's the difference between a van and a minivan?

A van picks up kids. A minivan picks up your kids

What do you throw a drowning Mexican?

His wife and kids.