What is a paranoid man's favorite food?

Who wants to know?

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What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?

I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...

Why Did The Hedgehog Cross The Road?

Because he wanted to see his flat mate.

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Why is Santa always so jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. You've probably heard this one before. But it's Christmas tomorrow so what the hell.

How do you know your waitress is having a rough night?

She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen.