What is a paranoid man's favorite food?

Who wants to know?

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What do we want!?

No daylight savings!" "When do we want it! " "An hour ago!!!"

Why didn't the parrot want the black guy to buy him?

Polly want a Cracker.

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What's your best mattress joke?

Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)

How many bees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but I don't know how they got in there.