What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

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Who him?

Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

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What's a Pirate's favorite letter?

Rrrrrrrr? You think it be R but it be sea

What are a pirate's least favorite letters?

D, M, C, and A.

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How was the Roman Empire cut in two?

With a pair of Caesars.

Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.