What is Tom Brady's favorite opera?

Deflatermaus! (Die Fledermaus!)

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What happened when the carrot died?

There was a huge turnip at the funeral.

Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!

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How do you think the whole Deflategate situation feels to Tom Brady now?

Probably doesn't feel how he prefers it to...

How does Tom Brady like his soda?

Flat.