What's black and white and read all over?

The newspaper.

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What's the program jedi use to read pdf files?

Adobe wan kenobi

Why didn't you obey that stop sign?

Driver: I don't believe everything I read.

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What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.