How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

Cant-elope :D

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Me: Let's not rush things, OK

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the annoyed husband tell his wife after she saw elk falling from the sky?

Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer.

What are you doing tonight?

Your wife.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why didn't Jesus start a charity?

Cuz they're not for prophets.

Why did the solar wind start having hot flashes?

It was experiencing magnetopause.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What did the web designer do when a hot girl walked up to him and squeezed his nuts?

He AJAXulated.

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

What is it called when a gamer fights someone?

An Asthma attack.

What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?

Microphones!

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What do Will and Jaden Smith like about today?

It's After Earth Day.

Newspaper Jokes More Newspaper Jokes

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

What kind of newspaper do cows read?

The Moo York Times