How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What are unicorns who want better working enviroments for their fellow employees?

Unioncorns.

Why did Mitt Romney feed his cows money?

A: He wanted rich milk.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why were the 2 in love melons upset?

Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)

What are these?

Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How does Times Square start the new year?

By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! "The audience can sing this one."

How do most bakers get their start in the industry?

They knead dough

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires?

Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."

How much for the giant, walk-in medicine cabinet?

Sir, this is a liquor store."

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

What do you call a Sith lord who refuses to fight?

A sithy.

Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo?

They only had two cars.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today :)

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

Newspaper Jokes More Newspaper Jokes

How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and the newspaper?

Lindsay Lohan never reads the newspaper in jail, but the newspaper always reads "Lindsay Lohan in jail"