What's the best way to search a linen store?

Undercover.

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What is the best way to talk to a vampire?

By long distance.

What is the best way to hunt bear?

With your clothes off

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How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Social scientists do not change light bulbs they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

What do you call an epileptic giving someone a pat-down?

A search and SEIZURE