Ive only ever been caught stealing cookies.
One empties your pocket. The other makes Hot Pockets.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train.
I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)
I can get through his opening monologue without laughing
He got caught up in a pyramid scheme.
Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Prisoner: For a lark sir.
It was a Regal