When is my wife's favorite day to make love?

Tomorrow

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Why does Axl Rose love to carry around The Scarlet Letter?

Because every Rose has its Hawthorne

How much do you love me?

Count the stars in the sky and that's how much I love you "But it's so cloudy" *pats her on the head* Yeah I know

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How was your first day of school?

5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back

What's a procrastinator's favorite punchline?

I'll tell you tomorrow