Where do you find monster snails?

On the end of monsters fingers.

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Why couldn't the scientist find salt for his breakfast?

Because it was Na HA! Get it? Because Na=sodium and N/A=not available. Seriously, this is good clean fun.

How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood?

His hand caught fire.

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How does R.Kelly end a joke?

Ba dum

What's the difference between a optimist, a pessimist and a realist?

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train.