Which American president was not guilty?

Lincoln, he was in a cent

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Why are Americans bad at chess?

They lost two towers

How are Americans and poles similar?

Running into one could really ruin your day.

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What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

How many American presidents does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None, broken lightbulbs have the rights to be treated as a normal lightbulb.