Which American President was least guilty?

Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.

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Why are Americans bad at chess?

They lost two towers

Why do American tourists talk so loudly?

So that they can hear each other over their clothes

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Which American President was least guilty?

Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.

How many American presidents does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None, broken lightbulbs have the rights to be treated as a normal lightbulb.

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What would a depressed Abraham Lincoln do?

Slit the writ of habeas corpus.

What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

I set* ***who*** *free "*