Who takes the best selfies in LA?

I need someone good to do mine.

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Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

What's the difference between a terrorist and a feminist?

The terrorist needs a trigger to blow things up.

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What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ?

Jack-u-la !

How long does it take a monkey to fly a plane from LA to New York?

About 6 hours.