La Jokes

How can you tell when a Canadian is successful?

He dies in his LA home at 82.

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What do you call a feminist from LA?

A SoCal Justice Warrior.

How long does it take a monkey to fly a plane from LA to New York?

About 6 hours.

How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb?

Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.

Who takes the best selfies in LA?

I need someone good to do mine.

What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ?

Mack-u-la !

What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ?

Jack-u-la !

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Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth?

Because he had a javelin through his head.

Why did the witch keep turning people into Mickey Mouse?

She was having Disney spells.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What do you call the teacher who lost her baby?

Miss Carriage

What is the best way to follow a lost dog's paw prints?

With a track-tor!

Swear Jokes More Swear Jokes

Why were all the rednecks sitting around an ordinary potato waiting for it to talk?

It was a CommonTater I just made this up I swear

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What do LotR and Brokeback Mountain have in common?

Someone's ring gets broken.

What happened to the frog that broke down?

It got toad away.

Pasta La Vista Jokes More Pasta La Vista Jokes

How do you say goodbye to your pasta?

Pasta La Vista, baby!

What did the spaghetti say to the other spaghetti?

Pasta la vista, baby!

Monkey Jokes More Monkey Jokes

What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?

Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.

What did the Monkey say when his bath was too hot?

Ooh-Ooh-Aah- Aah

People Jokes More People Jokes

What did the sardine call the submarine ?

A can of people !

Why isn't there a straight pride parade?

They tried that but people kept on thinking it was the checkout line at Home Depot.

Hasta La Vista Jokes More Hasta La Vista Jokes

What does a black men and the Terminator have in common?

One says "Hasta la vista baby!!" and the other one says "Hasta la vista son"

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Christmas is over?

OC (please use your Ahnold voice) Hasta la vista, Baby....Jesus.