Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?

The rest are hunt'n peckers.

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Why were there only 1,000 Mexicans at the Alamo?

they only had 2 trucks

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?

ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!

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What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them