Why do I need the life vest?

Me: If you have to ask, you might not need one.

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Who's...(loud crash as a battering ram demolishes the front door)...there?

We're the Ferguson Police Department. We ask the questions.

Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?

I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup " So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.

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Why did Xmen's Cyclops go to the doctors?

Because he needed laser eye surgery!

Why did Eddie Vedder take the fiber supplements?

He needed to have an Even Flow.