Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes?

Because they take everything literally.

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What do you call a joke that only works written down instead of told orally?

A sic joke

What is JPA? Joke point average. Where do people with high JPAs go to?

Hahaharvard

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What did a kleptomaniac say on 90% sale?

It was an absolute steal!"

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.