Why don't lobsters ever share anything?

Because they're shellfish

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Why is a lobster similar to a Asian under a steamroller?

They are both crushed-asians

What did the lobster do at the disco?

Pulled a muscle.

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Why do the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)

How many cops do you need to change a light bulb?

None. They just shoot the room for being black. Credit: donator on some stream said the joke and just wanted to share it.