Lobster Jokes

What's the difference between a Chinese man and a lobster under a bus?

Nothing. They're both crustacians.

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Why do lobsters make bad lovers?

They're shellfish in bed.

What do you call a lobster dressed up as Santa?

Santa Claws

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish."

What's worse than lobsters on your piano?

Syphilis

What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian.

What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning?

I'm not letting you cook dinner again

Who does a lobster have in common with a broken hearted chinaman?

They are both crustaceans.

Why don't lobsters ever share anything?

Because they're shellfish

What do a Chinese tourist who got run over by a bus and a lobster have in common?

They're both crushed-asians

What's the difference between lobsters and crabs?

I don't lobsters!

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What did the lobster do at the disco?

Pulled a muscle.

Why didn't crab and lobster like to share?

They were both two shellfish

What's worse than finding a lobster on your piano?

Finding crabs on your organ.

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Whats worse than having a lobster on yer piano?

Having crabs on yer organ!

What's worse than a lobster on your piano?

Crabs on your organ.

Why don't lobsters share their dinner?

Because they're shellfish!!!

What was the score of the lobster soccer game?

Zero to zero. Lobsters can't kick soccer balls.

Why was the lobster arrested?

Because he was always pinching things.

What doesn't belong in this group, A lobster, an octopus, a crab, or a chinese man under a bus?

The octopus, obviously, the three others are crustaceans.

Where do lobsters buy their work clothes?

Homardware.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.

What did the lobster say when he saw the mermaid?

Gotta lay off the sea-weed.

What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

You should know, you've only read it twenty times.

Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

Why is a lobster similar to a Asian under a steamroller?

They are both crushed-asians

How does a lobster answer the phone?

Shello

What the hell did you expect for ten dollars?

Lobster "

What did you expect for $10?

Lobsters "

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What did the lobster do at the disco?

Pulled a muscle.

Why do skeletons not go to the disco?

Because they got no body to dance with!

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What did Sushie A say to Sushi B?

Wasa-B! Let's roll.

Which street does the police officer live in?

Let's be Avenue

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What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common?

They share the same middle name.

Why are black men afraid of chainsaw's?

When you start them, they made the sound "runnnniganiganiganiga" Sorry for the racism, but had to share this.

Crustacean Jokes More Crustacean Jokes

What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian.

What do you call a gas station that sells crabs?

A crustacean.

Syphili Jokes More Syphili Jokes

What do Aids, Syphilis and Chlamydia have in common?

Your mom.

What's worse than lobsters on your piano?

Syphilis

Organ Jokes More Organ Jokes

What's better than a rose on a piano?

Tulips on an organ. Edit: accidentally a letter.

What's worse than spiders on your piano?

Crabs on your organ

Crab Jokes More Crab Jokes

How many different kinds of crabs can you get in Baltimore?

Two, and often from the same person.

What's the difference between lobsters and crabs?

I don't lobsters!

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do Kermit the Frog and David Cameron Have in Common?

They both like to pork.

What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball?

A hypochondriac