How alcoholic is a drink that's guaranteed to get you drunk?

Fool proof!

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Why did the calculus students get arrested?

For drinking and deriving.

What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much?

A functioning alcoholic.

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Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

How alcoholic is a drink that's guaranteed to get you drunk?

Fool proof!