How did God get Mary pregnant?

He used the holy immaculate contraception

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What military rank do you hold while using a pay toilet?

Lieutenant

What type of gun is used by a pig that is good with the ladies?

A smoothbore.

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What did God say to Noah?

Make a backup, I need to re-format this."

How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars?

Well... If it's any constellation..."

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Who is the most successful liar in the world?

Mary. Lied about her extramarital affair, still believed by billions.

What is Mary short for?

She has no legs