How did the hermit pay for his home?

A: Alone.

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Why do Canadians not pay attention to their local wildlife?

Because there's nothing to care-aboot. (caribou)

How do aliens pay for their coffees?

With Starbucks!

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What do you suppose Ray Rice's fiance' did when he got her home from knocking her out?

The dishes if she knows what's good for her!

Why is it so hard to get a mortgage in Columbia SC?

All the homes there are underwater