How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?

A: Write 'pp espressivo'.

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Why didn't Hannibal Lecter have any friends as a kid?

He was told not to play with his food.

Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well?

Her coach was a pumpkin

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How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?

A: Write 'pp espressivo'.

What instrument does God play?

He plays the cello. As it says in scripture: "Our God is a cellist God."