How do you know?

My phone is turned off.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.

How do you know if an Asian is depressed?

All around them are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Why do sovereign citizens never turn on the lights?

The sound of electricity triggers their PTSD.

What's black &amp white and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a javelin through her neck.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

How do you know?

My phone is turned off.

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.