How does a watch maker tell you he likes you?

With a romantic tock.

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Why doesn't God like fruitcake?

Because he doesn't exist.

What's a hipsters favorite season?

Summer, they like it before it's cool

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Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections?

Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would.

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME