How does Tom Brady like his soda?

Flat.

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What's a joke that you invented?

Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

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What's the difference between Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger?

Tom wants his balls illegally deflated on the field and Ben wants that off the field.

What is Tom Brady's favorite opera?

Deflatermaus! (Die Fledermaus!)