How does Tom Brady like his soda?

Flat.

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What do you call it when you drown a baby in soda?

Infantacide

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.

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What did the police officer say to Tom Brady during a routine traffic stop?

Your tires are low.

How do you think the whole Deflategate situation feels to Tom Brady now?

Probably doesn't feel how he prefers it to...