What did Captain Picard say when he saw the new sewing machine?

Make it sew!

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What did Picard say to Riker when the knitting machine wouldn't print single digits?

Make it sew number 1!

How's your homophone needlepoint project coming along?

Sew sew

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How many ears does Captain Picard have?

A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.

What did Captain Picard call his poop?

Captain's log