What did the inn keeper say to the Big Dipper when he asked if he could rent a room?

sorry this is only a four star hotel.

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How, you ask?

I walked into an autopsy. It was stiff.

How do you know if your friend, "Doesn't even OWN a TV?

Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. "Did you hear about the President's new policy on... " "I don't even OWN a TV!"

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How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible

What do you call a Serbian who won't clean his room?

Novak.

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What do you call a dwarf with a birth defect, is broke and can't drink milk?

Lack toes and tall or rent

What do you call a woman who rents out hot dogs?

Lisa Frank