What did they suicidal news reporter say when they went on air?

Lets get right into the noose.

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How would you define yourself?

ME: *don't let her know you're a delicious chocolate cake* Moist

What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?

Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.

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What did they suicidal news reporter say when they went on air?

Lets get right into the noose.

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

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How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air?

A dead centipede.