How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

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What Do you call 20 Millionaires watching the Superbowl?

The Dallas Cowboys

Why don't tornadoes watch Bill O'Reilly on FOXNEWS?

It is a no spin zone

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What Nationality has the easiest time learning sign language?

Italians.

What is every blonde's ambition?

A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

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Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

He always leaves you hanging

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

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Why do dogs make good sailors?

They know their knots.

What do you call a pretzel with roofies in it?

Forget-me-knots!

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What did they suicidal news reporter say when they went on air?

Lets get right into the noose.

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?

Because at last he was in the noose.