Executioner Jokes

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

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What did the executioner say to the prisoner?

Hang on a minute."

How does the executioner like his coffee?

Decap

Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

He always leaves you hanging

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

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What are a redneck's last two words before dying ?

WATCH THIS !

What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?

rated movies

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth?

Because he had a javelin through his head.

Why don't roosters wear underwear?

Their peckers are on their heads.

Saudi Jokes More Saudi Jokes

What do Saudi guys and girls have in common?

They all get stoned constantly.

What's a Saudis favourite drink?

Milk sheikh

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

Art.

Prisoner Jokes More Prisoner Jokes

What's the most unfortunate name a prisoner can have?

Neil.

What do you call a prisoner who's psychic,has dwarfism and escaped the prison?

A small medium at large!

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

Why was the Redditor mad at Reddit?

Because it made her wait seven minutes before posting something.

How many redditors does it take to post a joke to /r/Jokes?

Three. One to post it, another to post a better punchline in the comment section, and another to repost it with the new punchline.

Remove Jokes More Remove Jokes

What are you drinking, son?

Soy milk. -Hola milk, soy tu padre. Edit : Removed the "es" that was bothering everyone

Who's there ! Callas ! Callas who ?

Callas should be removed by a podiatrist !

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why do pagans make the best husbands and wives?

Because they'll worship the ground you walk on.

Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!