Executioner Jokes

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

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What did the executioner say to the prisoner?

Hang on a minute."

How does the executioner like his coffee?

Decap

Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

He always leaves you hanging

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

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Decap Jokes More Decap Jokes

What kind of coffee does an executioner drink?

Decap

How does Henry VIII like his coffee?

Decap.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What do you call an American with a lavatory on his head ?

John.

What do members of secret societies use when they get a head cold?

An Illumi-neti pot

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

Why are there commentators for televised sports?

We can figure out what's going on live, but can't while watching it on tv

Why does it take so long for a pro-lifer to screw in a lightbulb?

They love to watch mistakes being made.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?

Because everyone was a goblin

How many feminists does it take to dismantle the patriarchy?

None. Once they shut up, no-one has any reason left to oppress them :)

Knot Jokes More Knot Jokes

What did the shoelace say when I tried to tie it?

Uh, like, can you knot?

Why do dogs make good sailors?

They know their knots.

Saudi Jokes More Saudi Jokes

Why are Saudis so behind on current events?

Because they live under Iraq.

What do you call a rich brown person driving an Audi?

A Saudi

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the annoyed husband tell his wife after she saw elk falling from the sky?

Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer.

What did the rabbi say after he was diagnosed with an aggressive and inoperable form of brain cancer, and his wife and child died in a car crash while driving to the hospital?

Oy vey!"

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

How's it hanging?

I'm not sorry.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door?

Matt. ...floating in your pool Bob. ...hanging on your wall Art. ... water skiing Skipper.