Executioner Jokes

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

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What did the executioner say to the prisoner?

Hang on a minute."

How does the executioner like his coffee?

Decap

Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

He always leaves you hanging

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

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Noose Jokes More Noose Jokes

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?

Because at last he was in the noose.

Whats the difference between a noose and a leash?

How high you tie it on a tree.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

How do you stop a woman giving you head?

Marry her.

What do snowmen wear on their heads ?

Ice caps !

Shoulder Jokes More Shoulder Jokes

How do you start a joke about Vladimir Putin?

By looking over your shoulder.

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"?

Short John Silver!

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

Why does coffee take so long to make in a purcolator?

Because it's not called a purconow.

How do Spaniards take their coffee?

Au lait.

Minute Jokes More Minute Jokes

What did the pool cleaner say to the impatient swimmer?

Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wade just a minute.

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?

Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

Learn Jokes More Learn Jokes

Where did Ronda Rousey learn how to take a punch?

Holm School

What do you call a Cloyster that wants to learn the move Rain Dance?

The clam before the storm!

Shock Jokes More Shock Jokes

How do you feel?

Asks the fluoride ion. "Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

What's a prison executioners favorite beer?

Shock-top

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

Why did Jon Snow wait in line at the Apple store ?

For the watch .

Where does the brown sugar go to watch a movie?

The Cinemon.