Executioner Jokes

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

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What did the executioner say to the prisoner?

Hang on a minute."

How does the executioner like his coffee?

Decap

Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

He always leaves you hanging

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

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How did the violinist learn to play violin?

He just started fiddling with it.

What do you get when you watch Cinderella backwards?

You see a woman learn her place.

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What kind of jokes does a mute clown tell?

Dumb ones!

What kind of bell doesn't ring?

A dumbbell.

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How many trans women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but first they have to sit in the dark for a year and then get letters from two electricians giving them permission.

Why did the Islamic woman die when she fell into the ocean?

She thought to yell for help, but her husband was nowhere around to grant her permission to do so.

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Why can't humans hear a dog whistle?

Because dogs can't whistle. (X-post from r/dadjokes)

What do you call an imp that is rushes to the hospital?

Impatient OC from r/dadjokes

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Why did Freud hurt his shoulder?

He made a Freudian slip

Why did the leper return to the shower?

He forgot his head and shoulders.

Prisoner Jokes More Prisoner Jokes

What kind of vehicle did they use to transport prisoners to concentration camps during the holocaust?

Ju-Haul

What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

Why can't the Transistor drink any more coffee?

Because it keeps Peein' n peein'

When does a lawyer make coffee?

When he has sufficient grounds

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What is Dracula's girlfriend called when she gives him head?

Down for the count!

How do you greet a three-headed monster?

Hi, hi, hi.