What mammal dies after it mates?

Anyone that goes near my wife!

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the similarity between your wife and a tin roof in a hurricane?

If you didn't nail them properly they'll go see your neighbor

What u doing later?

Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

How much terroristen died zat dey?

Twelve The other replied : "Nein, Eleven."

Why do procrastinators live the longest?

Because they die at the last second.

Mate Jokes More Mate Jokes

What do you get when you mate an elephant with a poodle?

A poodle split in half.

Why was the chess player pregnant?

Because they were mated.