Mate Jokes

What do you call seagulls during mating season?

relationshipgulls

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Why was the chess player pregnant?

Because they were mated.

What's the mating call of a sorority girl?

O My GOd! I am so drunk.

What mammal dies after it mates?

Anyone that goes near my wife!

Which phone is most sold in Australia?

The htc M8. Oi mate

What did the pirate say after his first-mate stuck the wheel in his pants?

ARGHH! You're driving me nuts!"

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?

Because he's married.

Why do owls not mate when it's raining?

Toowet Towoo

How the hell did you get a body like that?

he asked. "Thanks," I said, "That's very flattering." He said, "Not really mate."

Why can't Australians play chess?

They keep saying check, mate.

Who did the pirate lose his virginity to?

His first mate.

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Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

Who did the sea captain lose his virginity to?

His first mate

Why didn't the rabbit want to mate outside?

Because it was Frigid

Why couldn't the t-rex find a mate?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction.

What's the mating call for a University of Alabama student?

I'm soo ddrrrruunnkk!"

What do you get when you mate an elephant with a poodle?

A poodle split in half.

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish?

OC I think I'm feeling C6

Why did a pair of tomatoes play footsie?

To-mate-toes!

Why do the /r/jokes moderators like chess?

It's the only chance they have to mate.

What does a cow call his mate?

Oxfam.

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Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

Why do the elephants have short tails ?

Because they can't remember long stories !

When my laptop asks "Are you sure?

it's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made.

Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

Why was Ygritte happy she didn't marry Jon snow?

Because she didn't want six inches of snow all year long.

What did the pastor say when informing two fruits that they couldn't marry?

No, you cantaloupe.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What does a Jamaican do when he sees a spaceman?

He parks his car, man.

What did the man say after he was hit by the car?

Nothing. He was dead.

Nurse Jokes More Nurse Jokes

What's this bit here?

NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your resume said you were a surgeon ME: My resume says a lot of things

Why did the tractor trailer mechanic always have half an erection?

Because he was constantly nursing a semi.

Mate Season Jokes More Mate Season Jokes

What do you call seagulls during mating season?

relationshipgulls

What do you call insects of the order Mantodea during mating season?

Laying mantises.

Australian Jokes More Australian Jokes

Why do Australians always win 4D chess?

Double check, mate

What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue

Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

What's Hillary's thoughts about her campaign?

Iran, Iraq, I lost

Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?

A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Thanks for all the sediment.

Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!