Couple Jokes

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

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How long does it take for a Homeless man's stomach to be full?

A couple of seconds.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish."

What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

A couple of weeks

What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

What do they do with Tickle-Me-Elmo's before he leaves the factory?

Give him a couple of test-tickles.

What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?

Parents.

What do you call a couple, who are both in wheelchairs?

A pair of polegics!

How do you make soup from a computer?

It's easy just throw in a couple of Boolean cubes.

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left! Bwahahahahaha

How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

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How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?

How many cats does it take for a woman to qualify as a "crazy cat lady?

None. Just a couple of youtube cat videos.

How much did Harambe drink in the bar?

Just a couple of shots

What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other?

Binary stars.

What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

What do you call a Christian who fell down the stairs?

A couple of steps closer to their final destination.

What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods?

Trail micks.

Why are men better cooks than women?

Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.

What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?

Jockey and Jill!

Why did the couple bring a melon to their honeymoon?

Because they cantaloupe...

How can you tell if a girl is ticklish?

Give her a couple of test tickles...

What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?

Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

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Stork Jokes More Stork Jokes

What do you call a stork that doesn't bring babies?

A swallow

Why does a stork stand on one leg?

If he didn't, he would fall.

Dataset Jokes More Dataset Jokes

Whats the difference between a redneck couple, and two variables in a dataset?

The variables aren't necessarily related.

What's the difference between redneck newlyweds and two variables in a dataset?

The variables aren't necessarily related.

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

What's the heaviest Chinese food?

wonton :3

What does a Chinese bear fry eggs in?

A pan, duh!

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What did the first stoplight say to the second stoplight?

A: Don't look I'm changing!!

What did the fly say to the second man on the moon?

Buzz.....

Gas Station Jokes More Gas Station Jokes

Why was a happy couple weary to kiss at the gas station?

They were scared of sparks flying.

Why is thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station?

It is a day to be tankful.

Thought Jokes More Thought Jokes

What are your thoughts on new soup technology?

I say Progresso at any cost.

What does a Jedi say after a tragic loss of life?

May my thoughts be with them".

Kiss Jokes More Kiss Jokes

What do you get when you kiss a bird?

Chirpies. It's a Canarial Disease. It's Untweetable!

What is worse than a whale with a sore tooth?

Going to kiss your grandmother goodnight and she slips you the tongue.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why does the food take so long at an Internet cafe?

Because the servers cannot be found

What does Fozzie the Bear do when he can't find a ride?

Walk-a Walk-a