Couple Jokes

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

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How long does it take for a Homeless man's stomach to be full?

A couple of seconds.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish."

What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

A couple of weeks

What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

What do they do with Tickle-Me-Elmo's before he leaves the factory?

Give him a couple of test-tickles.

What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?

Parents.

What do you call a couple, who are both in wheelchairs?

A pair of polegics!

How do you make soup from a computer?

It's easy just throw in a couple of Boolean cubes.

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left! Bwahahahahaha

How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

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How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?

How many cats does it take for a woman to qualify as a "crazy cat lady?

None. Just a couple of youtube cat videos.

How much did Harambe drink in the bar?

Just a couple of shots

What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other?

Binary stars.

What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

What do you call a Christian who fell down the stairs?

A couple of steps closer to their final destination.

What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods?

Trail micks.

Why are men better cooks than women?

Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.

What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?

Jockey and Jill!

Why did the couple bring a melon to their honeymoon?

Because they cantaloupe...

How can you tell if a girl is ticklish?

Give her a couple of test tickles...

What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?

Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

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Google Jokes More Google Jokes

What is today's special at Google's employee cafeteria?

Alphabet Soup.

What kind of fish does Google have in their lobby?

bettas

Stork Jokes More Stork Jokes

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

How does the stork bring babies?

It pokes holes in condoms.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What colour are my eyes?

Guy: 34C.

What should we call this portable computer?

SOME GUY: Laptop everyone applauds...w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What is the worst type of doctor you can be?

gynecologist - because in the hole that the whole world is looking for pleasure, he's looking for problems.

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

Spark Jokes More Spark Jokes

Why's the ch pronounced differently in orchid than in orchard?

ROBOT: twitch, spark

How cute does someone have to be for sparks to fly?

Electro

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't change it, they just take forever to find where to fit the batteries

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside!

Couple Day Jokes More Couple Day Jokes

How are women like snow?

They seem really cool at first but then you're sick of them after a couple days and no one wants to be driving when they're on the road

How are children like cellphones?

If youve lost one and havent found it in a couple days, chances are its probably dead.