Lay Jokes

To catch a predator. Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5? Because they can't even! Why do white people have so many pets? Because owning people is not legal anymore Would love to hear more white people-specific jokes :) They seem to be really rare.

Why did a chinese man ride a bike to the brothel?

To get laid.

What did the chicken say after laying an egg?

Oeuf!"

What's the difference between an egg and Elliot Rodger?

An egg gets laid before it cracks.

What did the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do?

Lay awake in bed wondering if there really is a dog.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What do women and floor tiles have in common?

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.

How can you tell if your wife left you?

You get laid the same amount of times but the dishes start to pile up. Hey now!

What has two thumbs and got laid last night?

My hands.

What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?

The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an atheist, an insomniac?

A person that lays awake late at night and ponders if there's such a thing as a dog.

What do bricks and Latinas have in common?

They both get laid by Mexicans...

How do Ghosts lay foundations?

With a spirit level!

How do like really laid-back types answer the phone?

Mellow.

What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor?

The foundation's been laid.

How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

What do you call a guy with no arms &amp no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel

What do a load of bricks and a 300 lb woman have in common?

At some point they'll both be laid by a Mexican.

How are women and linoleum floors alike?

You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

How are men like carpet tiles?

If you lay them properly the first time around you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

What's the difference between a ginger and a brick?

Bricks get laid.

Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun?

It burns too easily

What's the difference between a Redditor and an egg?

Eggs get laid only once

Why doesn't anyone get laid on Thanksgiving?

All the coats are on the bed!

What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange ?

Dad dad look what marma-laid' !

What do a 275lb white lady and a 275lb cinder block have in common?

A Mexican is going to lay them one day

What's the difference between a fedora clad Brony and an egg?

The egg gets laid!

Why put a baseball bat up when you can just lay it down on a stair in the middle of the stairway?

What could go wrong " My son apparently

Why did the chicken cross the road half-way?

She wanted to lay it on the line.

Which way will it fall?

If a rooster lays an egg on a pointed roof, which way will it land Roosters don't lay eggs

What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?

A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

How's your love life?

Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

Why was the bicycle laying on the ground?

Because it was two-tired

What is the difference between an egg and a redditor?

Eggs get laid at least once.

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?

She wanted to lay it on the line!

What do you call a dog with a stain on his fur?

Spot. What do you call a dog who lays on a golf course Ruff. What do you call a dog who just got run over Rhody.

What do Iraqi men do that gets them laid on the first date?

They give their women awesome Dinar.

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

Her: Because she had heard that the mayor was going to lay a cornerstone and she wanted to see if he could really do it.

What is the difference between a brick and a blonde?

If you lay a brick it doesn't follow you home.

Why did the chicken cross the road half way ?

He wanted to lay it on the line !

What's brown, black and blue and lays at the bottom of a ditch?

A brunette that's told one too many blonde jokes.

How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs ?

They sit eggsaminations !

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?

A bird that lays down !

What do a brick and I have in common?

We both get laid by hand.

What do you call a man with no arms &amp no legs... ...hanging on the wall?

Art ...floating in the sea Bob ...laying on the floor Matt ...down in a hole Phil ...sitting in a pot Stu ...

Why are most guys like floor tile?

Because if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them from the rest of your life!

When do chickens stop laying eggs?

Henopause

What did the lobster say when he saw the mermaid?

Gotta lay off the sea-weed.

What did the chicken say before laying an egg?

Yahoo. There goes my baby.

What is a Hindu?

It lays eggs

What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog?

A hen that lays pooched eggs.

Why aren't there any nails in a lesbian's floor?

A. They're all laid with tongue and groove.

What do women and linoleum have in common?

If you lay them just right you can walk on them for years.

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn ?

An eggroll !

Why did the chicken lay an egg?

Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies!

What did the Hammerhead shark say to his buddies when he got laid?

Nailed it.

What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?

Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.

What did one brick say to the other?

Guess who's gettin' laid tomorrow!

What does an agnostic ... dyslexic insomniac do at night?

He lays awake and wonders if there really is a dog.

What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

What's the difference between a Redditor and a brick?

The brick will eventually get laid.

What happened when the chicken ate cement ?

She laid a sidewalk !

Why do hens lay eggs?

A: If they dropped them they'd break

What does a man and a linoleum floor have in common?

If you lay 'em right, you can walk on them for 20 years.

What kind of bird lays electric eggs ?

A battery hen !

Why does the swimming pool get laid every night?

Because he makes all the ladies wet.

What do men and tile floors have in common?

if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.

What's a Hindu?

it lays iggs."

What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night?

Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.

Why do I need a wingman?

How's a half-man half-bird freak gonna get me laid

What did the lonely lumberjack use to get laid?

TINDERRRRR!!!!

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