What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

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Egg Jokes More Egg Jokes

How do blondes like their eggs?

Unfertilized

Why did the egg spill his guts at an AA meeting?

He was addicted to crack.

Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

What did the chicken say after laying an egg?

Oeuf!"

What did the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do?

Lay awake in bed wondering if there really is a dog.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?

An algorithm.

What would Fred Flintstone say if you asked him which city had the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world?

Abu Dhabi Dooooooo!

Order Jokes More Order Jokes

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

Why'd you order the Fish n' Chips?

For the Halibut.

Table Jokes More Table Jokes

Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

What's best about hiring an immigrant midget?

You pay them under the table )

Waiter Jokes More Waiter Jokes

Why did the DJ get fired as a waiter?

Because he'd drop everything

Why doesn't your menu list prices?

Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does.