Table Jokes

Why didn't the table want to be sat on?

He wasn't a charitable guy

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What did the Olive say when it fell off the table?

I'll live...

Why do midgets make bad parents?

Cause they struggle to put food on the table

How do you get out?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and saw the table in half. Two half's make a whole, go through the hole.

What's best about hiring an immigrant midget?

You pay them under the table )

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants? Ferniture.

Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?

Their teacher told them not to use tables!

What's the difference between an arts student and a table?

A table can support itself

Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?

DaVinci

When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?

I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too ".

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Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

How big was the ant when it knocked over the table?

giANT!!

What was the most pivotal point in Jesus' ministry?

When he turned the tables on the Temple vendors!

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

Whats your biggest weakness?

I'm bad at taking compliments" "Actually that's quite endearing" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*

How's your meal?

i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table

What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

What shape is your table?

A: Um, round But that's not really... R: Got it

What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

Why Mark?

I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!

Why won't pigs take up jogging?

They don't like to get that far from the table.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?

Because it cracked itself up.

What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table?

I don't knead you anymore.

Why did the table love playing volleyball?

Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother.

Who's there ! Amanda ! Amanda who ?

Amanda the table!

What is small, crying and cannot get under the table?

A child with pitchfork in his back

A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...

'Can I join you?'

3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out

They couldn't find a table.

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Why were the Seven Dwarfs kicked out of the bar?

Because they were Miners... XD

How do you castrate a guy from Kentucky?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What did the tree say to the lumberjack?

I'm falling for you

What does Johnny Depp say when cutting down trees?

TIMBUUUUUUUURTON

Olive Jokes More Olive Jokes

How would you describe that green sheep?

Me: I don't know. Olive ewe Her: I knew you'd say it first! I love you too! Entrapment 101

What did the Olive say when it fell off the table?

I'll live...

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

What do you call it when you have enough money to but a truck from 4 different people who used to cross small bodies of water?

You can afford four fjord forders' fords.

How do you answer the door Mathematically?

Door: "What is 2+2 " Me: "4" Door: "Cool!"

Art Student Jokes More Art Student Jokes

How can you tell retarded kids form the art students?

Retards don't wear Black.

What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes?

The arts student gets a mark for it.

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

How are college students like plants?

They both need natural light to survive!

What's the difference between plants and black men?

Cells are found inside plants.

Pool Table Jokes More Pool Table Jokes

How do you know you are in a real lesbian bar?

Not even the pool table has balls

What is the difference between a girl and a pool table?

You have a shot with a pool table.

Struggle Jokes More Struggle Jokes

What do you have there?

Me: struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down Ham.

How many didn't?

Ten. (Shame this one doesn't work too well for reddit - the funniest part of this joke is the third punchline enjoying people struggle to understand what the hell you're talking about.)