Table Jokes

Why didn't the table want to be sat on?

He wasn't a charitable guy

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What did the Olive say when it fell off the table?

I'll live...

Why do midgets make bad parents?

Cause they struggle to put food on the table

How do you get out?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and saw the table in half. Two half's make a whole, go through the hole.

What's best about hiring an immigrant midget?

You pay them under the table )

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants? Ferniture.

Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?

Their teacher told them not to use tables!

What's the difference between an arts student and a table?

A table can support itself

Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?

DaVinci

When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?

I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too ".

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Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

How big was the ant when it knocked over the table?

giANT!!

What was the most pivotal point in Jesus' ministry?

When he turned the tables on the Temple vendors!

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

Whats your biggest weakness?

I'm bad at taking compliments" "Actually that's quite endearing" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*

How's your meal?

i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table

What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

What shape is your table?

A: Um, round But that's not really... R: Got it

What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

Why Mark?

I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!

Why won't pigs take up jogging?

They don't like to get that far from the table.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?

Because it cracked itself up.

What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table?

I don't knead you anymore.

Why did the table love playing volleyball?

Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother.

Who's there ! Amanda ! Amanda who ?

Amanda the table!

What is small, crying and cannot get under the table?

A child with pitchfork in his back

A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...

'Can I join you?'

3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out

They couldn't find a table.

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Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What is the philosophy of a necrophiliac?

Sit back, relax and crack open a cold one

What's Irish and sits out all night?

Patio furniture.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why is Waldo always wearing striped clothing?

because he doesn't want to be spotted

What kind of body do you want to have?

ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human

Picnic Table Jokes More Picnic Table Jokes

What's the difference between a black man and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of 4.

Whats the difference between a black man and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of four

Chair Jokes More Chair Jokes

Why do hens sit on eggs?

because they're too poor to afford chairs.

Who's there ! Chair ! Chair who?

Chair you go again asking more questions !

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

Why does the farmer hate his job?

because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.

How do you grow a cow?

Plant its nuts.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call someone who lets people rent wifi signals from them?

The lanlord!

Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name?

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Kick Jokes More Kick Jokes

Why did the brownie get kicked off the baseball team?

Because she was a girl.

Why did the Smackhead kick the habit?

He didn't like nuns.

Olive Jokes More Olive Jokes

Why is there an olive in your water?

Me: What water Oh yeah this, this is definitely water.

How would you describe that green sheep?

Me: I don't know. Olive ewe Her: I knew you'd say it first! I love you too! Entrapment 101