Disease Jokes

What disease does a married man have?

onejina

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What do you call a Spartan king with a disease?

Leonitis

What disease do police give black people?

Glock coma

What does a neckbeard call a disease or ailment?

ma'lady

What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table?

Gilles de la gourmette

What disease do Spartans get the most?

Leon-itis.

What country are you most likely to get a disease?

GERMany.

What disease do terrible parkers have?

parkin'sins

What kind of disease do you get from birds?

Chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and I hear it's untweetable.

What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical?

plague-arism

How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

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What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What disease do you get from kissing birds?

Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable.

What do you call a disease that only effects ducks?

A mallard-y

What does a neckbeard call his imaginary girlfriend and his disease?

Ma'lady

What disease do neckbeard mosquitos give you?

M'laria.

What's the only disease a potato can get?

tuber-culosis

What's the form of public transit most rife with filth and disease?

Let's name our sandwich shop after it

What disease is most easily contracted by touching your hands together?

The clap.

What disease does a mad scientist have?

boffin spongiform encephalopathy

What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?

Slow clap

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What disease do horses fear most?

Hay Fever!

What disease did the house have?

Shingles.

Which disease do hobbits fear the most?

The Bilbonic plague.

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Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?

I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.

Why was the doctor stressed?

He was losing his patients

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why does the NSA hate winter?

Because they're not used to getting Snowden. (I'll see myself out)

What do rappers use to wash their clothes?

BLEEE-AAAACH!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between a Windows Phone and a brick?

One is a brick and the other is a brick with a screen

What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet?

I need to know before my court date on Monday.

Ace Jokes More Ace Jokes

Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker?

They have to take ACE inhibitors.

What is the difference between a poker card and Africa?

The sooner is the Ace of Spades and the latter, a Space of AIDS.

Alzheimer Disease Jokes More Alzheimer Disease Jokes

What is Alzheimer's?

WHAT IS ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE?

What did the diva with Alzheimer's disease say?

credit to one of the writers from Bob's Burgers).

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did Mr &amp Mrs Rockmelon say to their daughter when she wanted to run off with Johnny Watermelon?

A: But you cantaloupe!

What do you call a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, Chris Brown doesn't want you getting involved in his personal life

Venereal Disease Jokes More Venereal Disease Jokes

What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?

One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running c*nt.

Whats the difference between a smart midget and a venereal disease?

Ones a cunning runt...

Deadly Disease Jokes More Deadly Disease Jokes

What deadly disease can bowls contract?

Ebowla

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease?

Because the condition was untweetable.