Disease Jokes

What disease does a married man have?

onejina

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What do you call a Spartan king with a disease?

Leonitis

What disease do police give black people?

Glock coma

What does a neckbeard call a disease or ailment?

ma'lady

What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table?

Gilles de la gourmette

What disease do Spartans get the most?

Leon-itis.

What country are you most likely to get a disease?

GERMany.

What disease do terrible parkers have?

parkin'sins

What kind of disease do you get from birds?

Chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and I hear it's untweetable.

What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical?

plague-arism

How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

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What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What disease do you get from kissing birds?

Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable.

What do you call a disease that only effects ducks?

A mallard-y

What does a neckbeard call his imaginary girlfriend and his disease?

Ma'lady

What disease do neckbeard mosquitos give you?

M'laria.

What's the only disease a potato can get?

tuber-culosis

What's the form of public transit most rife with filth and disease?

Let's name our sandwich shop after it

What disease is most easily contracted by touching your hands together?

The clap.

What disease does a mad scientist have?

boffin spongiform encephalopathy

What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?

Slow clap

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What disease do horses fear most?

Hay Fever!

What disease did the house have?

Shingles.

Which disease do hobbits fear the most?

The Bilbonic plague.

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Pms Jokes More Pms Jokes

How many women with PMS does it take to screw-in a light bulb?

Two. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . IT JUST DOES, OKAY?

Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?

They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

Kiss Jokes More Kiss Jokes

Why shouldn't you kiss anybody on New Years Day?

Because it's the first date.

What's the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?

They are basically the same except you do an Australian kiss down under.

Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

Why wasn't the patient concerned when she was told she had a brain tumor?

The doctor said it was all in her head

How long have you had this problem?

the doctor asked. "Lest's see" said the patient "Mom had the litter in '41

Organ Jokes More Organ Jokes

What organ do only British people have?

The Eng gland.

What's worse than a dead muskrat under your piano?

A diseased beaver on your organ.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why was the orphan so successful?

When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option. (I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)

Why shouldn't you tell a philosophy major a joke?

They don't find them Hume-erous.

Cunning Runt Jokes More Cunning Runt Jokes

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls cross country team?

One is a group of cunning runts.

Whats the difference between a Pygmy and an Amazon?

Well, the Pygmy is a cunning runt...

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What to hear a joke?

Women's Sports.

Why does light travel faster than sound?

Because some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang mail.

What kind of dog should you get a spanish speaker?

A spaniel.