Bird Jokes

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A chicken

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Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?

Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.

What's your opinion on birds?

Well, they're pretty fly if you ask me.

Why is one side of the flying-V longer than the other?

Because there's more birds in it.

What's the phrase for when a bird spills a drink?

Party fowl.

What language do birds speak?

Squackhili

What do you call an Angry Bird who just got back from the spa?

A Bird.

What kind of bird does not make babies?

A swallow

What do you do when a bird attacks you?

Duck.

What did the bird say after its cage fell apart?

Cheap cheap!

How many people can ride on a bird?

Toucan.

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What's the difference between a fly and a bird?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

What do you call a bird born in the 90s?

A millennial falcon.

How do birds kiss?

They give a peck to the cheek.

What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch?

Fowl ball.

What do you call a religious bird?

A bird of prey.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

What does a bird with an injured wing need?

Tweetment!

What do you call a bird that drunkenly conveys a compelling perspective on racial hatred?

Tequila Mockingbird.

How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?

Toucan

What did the bird say when he flew over K-Mart?

Caw Caw why'd my natural habitat get replaced with 165 000 square feet of consumerist wasteland lol

What kinds of birds are raised by only their mothers?

Blackbirds

What did all of the birds do to the bird that couldn't fly?

They ostrich-sized him

Why didn't the bird cross the road?

It chickened out.

How did the bird get his bluetooth to work?

He had to parrot.

What kind of bird flies around bays?

Bagles

What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?

one requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry.

Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?

Joke: Why don't birds have to wear camouflage? Punch: Because they are already "in the skies". Thank you, I'll see myself out.

Why are birds always sad in the morning?

Their bills are over dew

What kind of disease do you get from birds?

Chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and I hear it's untweetable.

What kind of bird does 2 Chainz own?

Toucan

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What did the bird say when it flew into the window?

Owl

What does a bird say when it wants revenge?

Toucan play at that game!

How do birds record their songs ?

On duck tape !

What do you call a bird with 3 wings and 3 legs?

Triangull

What did one bird say to another bird on New Year's?

WOW THAT YEAR FLEW BY

What kind of bird works on a construction site?

A Crane.

Why don't birds wear underwear?

Because, their pecker is on their head.

This joke may have profanity.

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity

Why do they call a bird that lives by the sea, a seagul?

Because if it lived by the bay, it would be called a Bagel.

What kind of STD does a bird get?

Chirpies. :-)

What Bird?

Which bird symbolizes love? Swallow.

What do you get when you kiss a bird?

Chirpies. It's a Canarial Disease. It's Untweetable!

What kind of bird always sticks together?

A velcrow Courtesy of Jokels.com:

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why do some birds fly south for the winter?

Its to far to walk.

Why did the bird go to the restaurant?

Tweet!

Why did the worm want to learn kung-fu?

so he could flip the bird

What do you call a bird that has been molested?

Rustled Crow

What do birds give out on Halloween?

A: Tweets.

Why do birds live in nests?

Because they can't afford houses in this economy.

How does an elephant climb a tree?

A: He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.

What is it called when two birds kiss?

A Peck.

How do birds learn to fly?

They just wing it.

Why do groups of birds always seem so shady?

cuz they're always flockin' around

What language do birds speak ?

Pigeon English !

What do you call a bird that speaks Spanish?

A Si-gull

Whats the funniest type of bird?

Crows! they're the undisputed kings of CAW-Medy

What do you call a bird who wants to have a different personality?

An alter eagle!

What do birds order when they go to Starbucks?

Flappaccinos.

What kind of bird opens doors ?

A kiwi !

What bird has wings but cannot fly ?

Roast turkey !

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker ?

A bird that talks in morse code !

What's the difference between an ant and a bird?

A bird can fly.

What do birds say on Halloween?

Trick-or-tweet!"

What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a bird?

A Doberman fincher!

What is the definition of Robin ?

A bird who steals !

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.

What kind of martial arts do birds practice?

Wing Chun

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird?

A: A gulp. It's like a swallow, only bigger.

Why did the bird get a ticket?

A: It broke the law of gravity!

What does a bird say when he enters Nofrills?

Cheap, Cheap, Cheap..."

What birds are found in Portugal ?

Portu-geese !

What bank do birds open accounts with?

The one with the most branches!

What did one bird say to the other bird?

toucan play at this game.

Where do birds meet for coffee ?

In a nest-cafe !

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ?

Jail-birds !

What's that diving?

Is it a bird, Is it a plane... No it's the British Pound...

What does a Bird and a fridge have in common?

They Can Both fly except the fridge.

What do you call a bird of prey with high intelligence?

A falcon genius.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?

A bird that lays down !

What bird is most likely to inspire a revolution?

A pigeon... "Coup, coup"

What's the best time to buy a bird?

When it goes cheep!

What's the difference between a bird, and a bird with only one wing?

It's a matter of a pinion(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pinion).

Why was the bird sick?

It had the flew and its throat was soar.

What has four legs and can fly?

Two Birds!

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What kind of khakis do birds wear?

Khakaws!

What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?

A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!

Which birds steal soap from the bath ?

Robber ducks !

Why did the bird join he air force?

He wanted to be a parrot trooper!

What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts!

What did the French guy say when a bird pooped on him?

I have Grey Poupon me

Why are birds always short on cash?

Because they have bills.

What birds spend all their time on their knees ?

Birds of prey !

What do you call a bird that lives underground ?

A mynah bird !

What kind of birds do girls like?

My-cawk!

What kind of bird lays electric eggs ?

A battery hen !

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon ?

A bird who knocks before delivering its message !

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One requires a tweetment and the other need an oinkment.

What happened when pigs started flying?

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What is the definition of a Freudian slip?

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How can you tell if a man has a high sperm count?

You have to chew before you swallow!

What's the difference between lust, love, and just plain showing off?

Spitting, Swallowing, and gargling.

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How did they cure the swine flu?

With oinkment.

What does a pig put on his cut?

Oinkment

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When do we need airplane noises?

NEEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWW

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu you need tweetment. If you have swine flu you need oinkment.

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a computer?

You only have to punch the information into a computer once.

What's the best thing about punching twenty one years olds?

There's twenty of them.

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What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

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What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

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What do electric trains and breasts have in common?

A: They're intended for children but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

What's the difference between rock and jazz?

Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.