What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

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How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...

'Can I join you?'

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Who was the least guilty President of the them all?

Lincoln. He was in-a-cent.

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

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How did the puppeteer meet the President?

He pulled some strings.

What do you call a president who interrupts people?

Donald Tr- WRONG!

Table Jokes More Table Jokes

How big was the ant when it knocked over the table?

giANT!!

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity