What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

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What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires?

He shrugged and said, "I've got asparagus."

What did the hippie say when I asked him to leave my house?

Nah, I'm-a stay.

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Who was the only president that was not guilty?

Lincoln. He was in a cent.

Which president was least guilty?

Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

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Which President had the shortest term?

Grover Cleveland. He was the twenty second President.

Why didn't the President fight with the chair?

Because we don't negotiate with chair-orrists.

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Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?

DaVinci