What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

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A grocery store cashier asked if I would like my milk in a bag.

I told her 'No, thanks. The carton works fine.'

What does Batman ask when he enters a butcher shop?

Gotham?

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Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

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What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border

What do you call a foreign born communist running for President?

Ted Cruz

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What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table?

I don't knead you anymore.

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.