Lincoln Jokes

Which president was least guilty?

Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

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Who was the only president that was not guilty?

Lincoln. He was in a cent.

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

Who was the least guilty President of the them all?

Lincoln. He was in-a-cent.

What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

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Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

What would people call Ryan Lochte if he went to jail?

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How was the movie?

Brian: A real turkey. I could hardly sit through it the second time!

What rating do pirate movies always get?

PG-13

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Why did the Energizer Bunny need to lawyer up?

He was charged with battery.

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

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How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

What do you call an instrument that gets a president impeached?

Harmonica Lewinsky.

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Which cop writes poems about ravens?

Edgar Allan Po-Po

How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: So who wants to know Why do *you* want to know Are you a cop

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why do kangaroos hate rainy days?

Because all the kids have to play in side.

Why are Saturday and Sunday strong?

Because all the other days are week days.

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Why is unemployment rising in Jamaica?

Because they're jahbless!

Which US president is most responsible for unemployment in the US today?

Abraham Lincoln.

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What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires?

What's a movie?

What do Super Mario Brothers, and relationships have in common?

Sometimes you have to slay a few dragons before you get to the princess