What has two thumbs and got laid last night?

My hands.

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Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

What do you get when... ...you cross a religious skeptic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac?

A person who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

How can you tell if someone is having a stroke?

There is lotion and used tissues laying around

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What does the torch represent in the hand of the Statue of Liberty?

The torch is a symbol of her inability to read in the dark.

Why Did The Man With One Hand Go To The Shopping Centre?

To go to the second hand shop

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What do ladies-of-the-night do when in their garden?

They hoe it.

What has more lives than a cat?

A frog -- it croaks every night.

Thumb Jokes More Thumb Jokes

Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

What has two thumbs and doesn't understand jokes that require a visual component?

This guy!