Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

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Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why did the Anti vaccinator leave the solar system?

Because he found mercury in it.

Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

How does Trent Reznor's mom hang up his Christmas stocking?

With a Nine Inch Nail.

Why did Mary Magdalen love Jesus?

Because he was hung like this

Perform Jokes More Perform Jokes

What do you call it when a Dinosaur can't perform in bed?

A reptile dysfunction. Thank high me for that one.

Why did the acid perform poorly?

Because it didn't concentrate.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why didn't Jesus get into college?

Because he got nailed on the boards.

What's the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?

Jesus doesn't have any tattoos of Mexicans.

Manage Jokes More Manage Jokes

How do you do it w/ 4 kids?

Hubs: With the door locked. Me: She means how do we manage...but yeah.

Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

Mate Jokes More Mate Jokes

What do you get when you mate an elephant with a poodle?

A poodle split in half.

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

John Jokes More John Jokes

What do you call an American with a lavatory on his head ?

John.

Whats with the wheel on your john?

the pirate replied, "Arrg it's driving me nuts!"

Middle East Jokes More Middle East Jokes

What do you call a dinosaur from the Middle East?

An Iran-asaurus!

Why can't there be peace in the Middle East?

It IS what it IS.

Luke Jokes More Luke Jokes

Why could Luke and Leia never be together?

They went looking for love in Alderaan places.

What did Luke get for pulling Darth Vader's face mask off?

A 15 yard penalty.

Mark Jokes More Mark Jokes

What says "Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark!" ?

A dog with a hair lip

How long did you spend on your cosplay?

Me: Seven months A: *Hands me a badge marked "Casual"*

Miracle Jokes More Miracle Jokes

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

What other miracles can you do?

Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish ' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite

Matthew Jokes More Matthew Jokes

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds?

I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV