Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

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Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size?

Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down.

Where do you find an enlightened mosquito?

In Bhuddapest

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What do you call someone who spends the whole time on their phone whenever you hang out?

A phoney friend!

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

Perform Jokes More Perform Jokes

Why wasn't Michael Jackson allowed to perform at the children's hospital?

Because he is dead. ((I came up with this joke when I was very tired.))

What do you call a fish that performs brain surgeries?

A neurosturgeon

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What would Jesus say if you angered him?

I'm Crossed."

What gun does Jesus hate the most?

The nail gun. So sorry if this offends you Credit to the podcast

Manage Jokes More Manage Jokes

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

How do you do it w/ 4 kids?

Hubs: With the door locked. Me: She means how do we manage...but yeah.

Mate Jokes More Mate Jokes

Why can't Australians play chess?

They keep saying check, mate.

Why didn't the rabbit want to mate outside?

Because it was Frigid

John Jokes More John Jokes

What did one John say to the other John?

What's the matter You look flushed!"

What is everyone writing songs about?

John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus

Middle East Jokes More Middle East Jokes

What do you call a religious cow in the Middle East?

A Moooooslim!!

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

Luke Jokes More Luke Jokes

Why did Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia never get together?

Because Luke was looking for love in Alderaan places!!

What is the internal temperature of a Taunton?

Luke warm.

Mark Jokes More Mark Jokes

What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

I have left my Mark on Mars"

Why Mark?

I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!

Miracle Jokes More Miracle Jokes

What other miracles can you do?

Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish ' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite

What do you call a black guy at college?

A miracle. Edit: I've hidden this post as I realized it was stupid and too offensive. I'm sorry, it was overly racist.

Matthew Jokes More Matthew Jokes

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds?

I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.