Knot Jokes

What kind of knots only exist in space?

Astro-knots.

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What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot."

How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?

By tying a knot on its tail.

What did the shoelace say when I tried to tie it?

Uh, like, can you knot?

What do you call an Aztec Mayan snake god tied in a knot?

Pretzalcoatl

What do you call a Sailor's hitch in the arctic?

Knot cool

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

What's a sailor's favorite kind of knot?

It's a tie.

What do you call a pretzel with roofies in it?

Forget-me-knots!

Why do dogs make good sailors?

They know their knots.

What type of knot do you tie in space?

An astronaut.

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Marriage Jokes More Marriage Jokes

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

String Jokes More String Jokes

What do you call a relationship that never works out between guitarists?

No strings attached

What do elephants use for tampons?

Sheep. Why do elephants have trunks? Sheep don't have strings.

Executioner Jokes More Executioner Jokes

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

How does the executioner like his coffee?

Decap

Noose Jokes More Noose Jokes

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?

Because at last he was in the noose.

What hits the ground first?

The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose.

Shoelace Jokes More Shoelace Jokes

What did the shoelace say when I tried to tie it?

Uh, like, can you knot?

How do Germans tie their shoelaces?

In little knotsies....

Learn Jokes More Learn Jokes

What does a Gorilla learn first in school?

The Apey-cees!

Why did the philanthropist learn how to subtract?

Because he wanted to make a difference. My first original, time for open mic!

Tail Jokes More Tail Jokes

What does a dog do when it loses it's tail?

Goes to a retail store to find another one.

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale

Pretzel Jokes More Pretzel Jokes

What do you call a pretzel with roofies in it?

Forget-me-knots!

How do you like it?

Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt Get outta the gutter pervs