Noose Jokes

What does Pingu say when he feels suicidal?

Noose Noose

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What hits the ground first?

The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose.

How do you pick up a black guy?

With a noose.

Whats the difference between a noose and a leash?

How high you tie it on a tree.

How can you tell if a black guy is well hung?

You can't fit your finger between the noose and his neck.

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

What do you call a married knot?

Monotonous. Bonus answer from my wife: a noose.

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?

Because at last he was in the noose.

What did they suicidal news reporter say when they went on air?

Lets get right into the noose.

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Why is 17 called the "mother-in-law" in black jack?

Because you wanna hit it, but sometimes you cant.

What do you call a bunch of pro wrestlers hitting each other with blocks of cheddar and wheels of gouda?

Battle Royale with cheese.

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What did the executioner say to the prisoner?

Hang on a minute."

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

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What did the car baby say to his car dad?

Hey dad, let's tell a joke for car ma!

What did the atom say to the other atom?

Let's bond!

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Why do cows wear bells around there neck?

Because there horns don't work. :)

Why could Frankenstein's Monster not have children?

Because his nuts were in his neck!

Gallow Jokes More Gallow Jokes

What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party?

I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor.

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?

Because at last he was in the noose.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

Tell her a joke on Wednesday!

How do you tell the difference between an introvert or extrovert software engineer?

The extrovert looks at your feet when talking.

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

Pingu Jokes More Pingu Jokes

What's Pingu's favourite band?

Slipnoot.

What does Pingu say when he feels suicidal?

Noose Noose